Lay off me I'm starving

Let’s forget all of the things ladies have to deal with on the health side, it’s the emotions I can’t stand. And I’m not specifically categorizing emotion A as being entirely feminine or emotion B as being entirely masculine, that’s not only simplifying but generalizing a vast range of…(cringes) feelings. But there are times I have to stop myself and say, “Stop being such a girl.”

I mean really. At least save those icky feelings for when they are appropriate. (When are they appropriate by the way?)

I am just feeling cranky today! Sometimes I’d like some validation that I’m handling my life in some kind of reasonable way, and I’m just not getting that.  Not with any facet of my life right now and it’s a total bummer.

I think I’m just worried because I have to go to the doctors (plural) for random uncomfortable things on Monday, I’m stressed, and I’m dieting so I’m hungry. 

And let’s not even talk about the men-folk, that ain’t an issue right now.

Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts. I need to remind myself that I can’t feel (______ or _______) unless I allow it and right now I’m basing my existence around chilling and not worrying!! Oh, and being cool. :) Well, a little cool.

I laughed at a dead baby joke, and I don’t feel good about it.

I’ve been watching Nancy Grace lately. Why? Her voice lulls me into a trance-like state, and she’s particularly hot right now. “Tot mom, Tot mom, Tot mom” she chants…her words are pointed, abrupt, and hostile. God bless her.

Right now she’s talking about the kid in Florida who killed his parents this past weekend:

“He threw a big party at his house, only TWO people didn’t show up. They couldn’t come, they were locked in the bedroom, DEAD!!!!!!!!”

Thank God for the rewind feature…I played that one a few times. DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!

I really like old people, and I even like cranky old people if the crank seems well-deserved. But this morning I was in the waiting room of a doctor’s office waiting for my blood-letting when the man next to me shouts to his home health nurse “Get me my phone!”

First, I don’t know where “please” went, but whatever, I don’t have a problem with that.

He proceeds to get her to dial a number (on speakerphone, of course), and then begins to shout into the phone. The six or seven of us in the tiny waiting room heard all about how he has an infection, how he is waiting for various tests, and that he is actually in the waiting room right this very minute. 

But what was even better?

He decides to describe in detail his catheter and urine bag. Now, a catheter in itself is terrifying - and I have a lot of sympathy for the pain and suffering, but talking about it on the speakerphone is even worse. Especially as he had it on while he was talking about his catheter and pee pee bag. And it was slowly filling with urine.

 That was really not cool at 8:15 in the morning. Not. Cool.

My favorite 80s sitcom sighting of the week: the woman who played Mona on “Who’s the Boss?” turned up on True Blood last night playing grandma Bellfleur. I am trying to focus on Mona because apparently “Vamper” Bill was having carnal relations with what turned out to be his great-great-great granddaughter (Vamper Bill was made a vamper during the Civil War). GROSS. But let’s check out Mona in her knit cap, shall we?

If someone mentions they are allergic to (bees, seafood, nuts, modern hairstyles) you know that’s how they’re gonna go in approximately 34-42 minutes.